Reading
to whoever that still reads this blog, thank you. i hope you are doing fine and hopefully life is treating you well.
things are getting tough again. i thought i've already got a hold in my own life, but it's the other way around. remember i once (read: a lot of times) told that i want to give up? apparently i made it through and i thought that was the toughest thing i had to go through for awhile, so i deserve a break from life, right?
little did i know what's ahead of me.
i am sad looking at myself, i am no longer able to open up and talk about my problems or what's going on inside my head. my words are all over the place, i can't even make a simple sentence without having to think of it at least twice. i can't put my thoughts into words anymore. remembering things have never been this hard. i'm sad because i know i wasn't like this last time.
i keep on thinking that this is all my fault. i wish i could stop being too hard on myself, because that's what people have been telling me. i feel like i've failed in so many things. sometimes i really don't feel like myself anymore, heck, i don't even know who i am now.
people said that God wouldn't put me in any situations that i can't handle. i'm in no way blaming God for what happened. but i have to admit, i want to know the reasons behind all of this so badly. it's like, life has been hitting me one after another. and it can get tiring sometimes.
it's really frustrating how you always try your best to get up and be a better person, but yet you keep on falling. it's so exhausting, you don't wanna get up anymore. you just want to sit and maybe even lie down until you're ready again. but i guess that's not how life works.
"keep blooming, flower" is what people told me. but they forgot that flowers do wilt too.
