rindu.
i woke up this morning, imagining how my life would actually be if you're still around. i miss waking up by hearing your voice, complaining that I'm late for my prayer. i miss seeing you, wearing your fav telekung and sit on the rocking chair, watching those agama shows on tv. i miss going down the stairs feeling excited to eat your nasi lemak or nasi goreng. or when you came back from pasar, saying that you bought a random clothes or pyjama for me, and of course, telling me that you bought my fav popcorn from the stall too. i miss reading the newspaper with you after breakfast. i miss those random texts or i miss being excited when you said that we're going out to a mall or something. i miss eating Nandos with you and you would steal my chips cause you know i'd be mad. but believe me mom, i would never be mad at you anymore, you can take all the chips that you want.
when i was a kid, i always feel excited when i know that you're coming home. the first thing that you'd do is to put your tupperware in the sink, and you'd steal one or two freshly fried ayam goreng from kak ana. you always ask her to cook daging goreng, which is your fav food ever, every single week. we would sit together on the floor and i can still remember your scents (its a mix of your perfume, your car and your office) as both of us will play the 'find the differences' section in the newspaper. we never missed that activity and you will always ask me to read english newspaper cause you want to train me and improve my english. i miss cooking with you. even though i know that you'd still complain about my chopping skills. i miss tasting and arguing about your cookings, saying that it is not salty or spicy enough. and of course, i miss preparing the table for dinner and clean everything up afterwards.
i miss going to your room randomly while waiting for isha' prayer because your room is so cold and cozy. i miss praying together with you. i miss those random conversations that i had with you. like 'what should we eat tomorrow' or 'why i look like you instead of dad'. i wish you were here longer so that i can have more conversation with you about life, love, studies and everything else. i miss watching movies with you at night, or i miss being forced to watch your fav tv shows that i don't even understand what was it about. i miss hearing you, reciting doas before you go to sleep and ask me to do the same thing too. when i was young, i used to 'lead' you to your room and you would act as if you can't see anything cause you're too sleepy. that time i would hold your hand and tell you 'careful, theres a stair here' and you would say 'uh-oh, didn't see that' and you would say 'thank you anak mak' when i successfully led you to your bed. i miss hearing you say 'good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams' to me.
but now, everything has changed.
now i wake up to the alarm that was set by me the night before. i would go to your empty and dark room, feeling blank and empty. i'd go back to sleep after my prayer instead of watching the agama shows on tv. i'd go down the stairs, wondering is there something that i can eat in the kitchen. most of the time theres nothing to eat. but i'd usually take a bread or just drink water. then i'd go back to my room and play with my phone or do something else. now i have to go to the mall alone, if i want to. theres no more Nandos date with you and I'm eating the chips all by myself. sometimes i'd leave some of the chips, even though i know that you won't be eating it. i don't have anyone to wait for them to come back now. cause me myself, sometimes reach home really really late. now i don't even read newspaper and i don't know whether they still have the 'find the differences' section in it anymore. i don't cook either cause most of the time i'll be waiting for the delivery guy to come. i don't have to prepare anything for dinner cause sometimes i eat alone. and theres nothing to clean up on the dining table, except now it is all covered up with dusts. i tried to make my room as cozy as yours, but i can't beat yours. and now i have no hand to hold to play the game. and theres no one to wish me the good night wishes like you used to.
i woke up this morning, imagining how my life would actually be if you're still around. i miss waking up by hearing your voice, complaining that I'm late for my prayer. i miss seeing you, wearing your fav telekung and sit on the rocking chair, watching those agama shows on tv. i miss going down the stairs feeling excited to eat your nasi lemak or nasi goreng. or when you came back from pasar, saying that you bought a random clothes or pyjama for me, and of course, telling me that you bought my fav popcorn from the stall too. i miss reading the newspaper with you after breakfast. i miss those random texts or i miss being excited when you said that we're going out to a mall or something. i miss eating Nandos with you and you would steal my chips cause you know i'd be mad. but believe me mom, i would never be mad at you anymore, you can take all the chips that you want.
when i was a kid, i always feel excited when i know that you're coming home. the first thing that you'd do is to put your tupperware in the sink, and you'd steal one or two freshly fried ayam goreng from kak ana. you always ask her to cook daging goreng, which is your fav food ever, every single week. we would sit together on the floor and i can still remember your scents (its a mix of your perfume, your car and your office) as both of us will play the 'find the differences' section in the newspaper. we never missed that activity and you will always ask me to read english newspaper cause you want to train me and improve my english. i miss cooking with you. even though i know that you'd still complain about my chopping skills. i miss tasting and arguing about your cookings, saying that it is not salty or spicy enough. and of course, i miss preparing the table for dinner and clean everything up afterwards.
i miss going to your room randomly while waiting for isha' prayer because your room is so cold and cozy. i miss praying together with you. i miss those random conversations that i had with you. like 'what should we eat tomorrow' or 'why i look like you instead of dad'. i wish you were here longer so that i can have more conversation with you about life, love, studies and everything else. i miss watching movies with you at night, or i miss being forced to watch your fav tv shows that i don't even understand what was it about. i miss hearing you, reciting doas before you go to sleep and ask me to do the same thing too. when i was young, i used to 'lead' you to your room and you would act as if you can't see anything cause you're too sleepy. that time i would hold your hand and tell you 'careful, theres a stair here' and you would say 'uh-oh, didn't see that' and you would say 'thank you anak mak' when i successfully led you to your bed. i miss hearing you say 'good night, sleep tight, sweet dreams' to me.
but now, everything has changed.
now i wake up to the alarm that was set by me the night before. i would go to your empty and dark room, feeling blank and empty. i'd go back to sleep after my prayer instead of watching the agama shows on tv. i'd go down the stairs, wondering is there something that i can eat in the kitchen. most of the time theres nothing to eat. but i'd usually take a bread or just drink water. then i'd go back to my room and play with my phone or do something else. now i have to go to the mall alone, if i want to. theres no more Nandos date with you and I'm eating the chips all by myself. sometimes i'd leave some of the chips, even though i know that you won't be eating it. i don't have anyone to wait for them to come back now. cause me myself, sometimes reach home really really late. now i don't even read newspaper and i don't know whether they still have the 'find the differences' section in it anymore. i don't cook either cause most of the time i'll be waiting for the delivery guy to come. i don't have to prepare anything for dinner cause sometimes i eat alone. and theres nothing to clean up on the dining table, except now it is all covered up with dusts. i tried to make my room as cozy as yours, but i can't beat yours. and now i have no hand to hold to play the game. and theres no one to wish me the good night wishes like you used to.
"mak sayang lily""lily pun, sangat"
