あ

i wasn't feeling myself today but i had to pretend that everything is fine. at least, in front of my family. i took a long shower and i could hear my family was busy preparing something in the kitchen. they were cooking dinner and i really wanted to be inside my room, but i thought that's just too selfish of me. 

so i stayed and did nothing while they were busy with their stuff. i did not know what to do and what to help cause everything was under control. i sat there and looked at the situation; mekna was preparing the chicken, amirul was picking some onions and shallots from the rack and dad was helping to cook rice for us. the kitchen was pretty chaotic cause everyone went here and there. and i was clueless, and did not even realise that i teared up. for a moment i imagine and hoped that you were there, scolding us for being too kalut and clumsy in your kitchen. 

all the memories that we had while cooking in the kitchen came across my mind. and that made me realise, how hard it must be for you to handle everything by yourself. most of the time you were alone in the kitchen to prepare food for us. we were too busy with our own work and stuff that we forgot to help you. we are sorry. i, am sorry. i wish i could apologise and thank you now.

i miss you and your presence in your kitchen. and of course, i miss your cooking. a lot.