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hi there, it's been awhile. 

i was just scrolling through my old blog posts and also my drafts. wow, that was a lot to take in. i hope you are doing well as you read this post. as usual, i don't know why am i here but i feel like writing & keep a post for my future *older* self. 

life is alright, i guess? quite a lot of things have changed from the last time i updated this blog, but some part of life remains the same. i'm having a fever as i'm writing this as i just got my booster shot for my vaccine two days ago. ah yes, we still do that now - and most probably still have to do it in the future; god knows. 

to be honest with you, i'm quite overwhelmed with things in my life now. not sure if it's a good or bad thing. it's one of the feelings/days where you feel your heart might burst anytime - but you don't know whether it's happiness, stress, or just a random feeling. so whenever i feel this way, i write. and today, i chose to write my feelings here, prolly because i'm just to lazy to physically write it in my journal. 

hey future me, if you're reading this i just want to let you know that adulting is hard and sucks huh. like why are there so many things for us to handle and think? the thing is that we aren't even prepped for this or there isn't any guide hah starts laughing and crying. one thing that could somehow ease my heart is that at some point, everyone faces the same thing as we both do (yes, i'm still talking to you future self). 

and as much as i'm curious as how the future is going to be, i'm honestly scared of losing what i have now. losing the people i love, my cats, my phone or other devices, and myself. because if i don't take care of these properly, one day i might and will lose them. 

let's talk about family. my siblings and i are doing alright now. it's tough, but we are coping. whatever that happened last time or still happening even now, still affects us in our own way. but i'm eternally grateful to have both my sister and brother & i wish they feel the same too. like i said before, i can always cry whenever i start talking about my siblings. so let's not do that now yeah. as for my dad, he is doing physically well, alhamdulillah. but it saddens me to see how he is growing older and older everyday. i guess that is what i'm scared of. god knows how hard i'm trying to appreciate these moments, He knows. as for my mak, i haven't met or seen her in my dreams for awhile now. but she's always in my thoughts and prayers everyday without fail. praying hard that you are doing well over there, mak. we miss you as always. 

so about my cats, bella and luna - the girls are doing fine. they are slowly appreciating each other's presence and have better relationship now #girls. one thing for sure luna is such a control freak and gets jealous way too easily (totally not like her eomma, eh?). and bella being bella, still with her tough love. still, i love them girls equally. & let's not talk about my phone or any other devices alright. because i don't want to have any sudden problems with them - they better not be giving me one. let's just stay with how things are now #agreed. 

and lastly, about myself (much narcissistic, kidding). i honestly haven't been giving myself much credit for what i've done for the past month(s). i think i'm too focused on 'adulting' that i sometimes neglect my own emotions. but i think i'm doing alright. i feel like i am. except for my back - that is a major problem. i can't wait for my long break next month so i can treat myself yay! but on a serious note, i'm still learning how to be nice to myself. it's going somewhere but just not there yet. slowly taking one step at a time, yes?

to the future me, i hope life is treating you good too. we survived tough days before, and i'm surviving tough days now. i hope you'll surviving tough days that will come too. be nice to yourself always. 

may god bless. take care.