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"cause i'm leaving, on a jet plane. don't know when i'll be back again."

13 years ago, at this moment, i'd be so excited cause it's time to celebrate another birthday in the family. obviously i'd be excited to eat the cake tho haha.

10 years ago, at this moment, i would take a peek of your room to see whether you're still awake, so that i can be the first person to wish your birthday. also cause i want to show you the cards that we wrote, and obviously to show off my colourful birthday wishes with my glitter pens (and also to show how pretty my handwriting is hahaha).

7 years ago, at this moment, i would be so anxious and write a long birthday text for you. and you will reply few hours later, saying "thank you anak mak. mak sayang lily." 

4 years ago, at this moment, i have already slept because i was so tired from school. but i managed to send you a birthday text and gave you a hug. i can't really remember what happened on this particular day, but who would have thought that this was the last time we could celebrate your birthday together. 

and on the same date, at this moment, i, am writing to you this post while listening to your playlist. i pray nothing but your happiness, mak. no matter where you are, i will always pray for you. even though you are not physically here and we can no longer celebrate your birthday, i hope you are celebrating it with others. you were in pain when we celebrated your last birthday, but i know that now, you are no longer in pain. i pray that He will always shower you with His blessings and surround you with love. words can't describe how much i miss you and words can't describe how painful it is to be missing you. but at the end of the day, i know that you are happy and you're in a better place now. at least that makes me happy and it keeps me going. 

i love you mak, happy birthday.