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To the 17 years old me, I know that you might be sleeping right now because you just had the lowest time in your life. It was tiring, I know. I'm aware that you just talked to our Mom and showed her a picture of her when we were in Hyde Park, two years ago. Without you knowing, that was the last time you talked to her for the rest of your life. You must be wondering why you felt so tired, right? Because I wondered the same thing too. Its okay, I know you just gave your sweetest smile to Mom and she gave hers to you. Little do you know, that was the last time you saw her sweetest smile. Sleep tight, my dear self.
You should go to sleep and have a good rest because tomorrow will be a tiring day for you, and our family. I know that you will wake up at 5 in the morning for sahur. When you see Mom later, don't worry about making noises in the kitchen. Because she will never hear those noises again. Don't ask why she doesn't move an inch even after hearing all the noise that you've made. Because she will never wake up.
You're going to have a terrible dream later this morning. Its okay, its just the syaitaan. But promise me you wont scold Dad when he ask you to check Mom whether she's still alive or not. Promise me to never freak out like I did. You are the one thats going to wake Amirul and Mekna up and tell them about it later. Be brave, my dear. Remember to walk down the stairs slowly because if you don't, you will be traumatize of running down the stairs for the rest of your life.
I know that it will be freaking hard for you to accept the fact that Mom's gone. But think about it again my dear, its for her best. She's been suffering for almost two years. You wont see her screaming in pain anymore. She deserves her own rest. I know its hard for you to live your normal life after this but believe me, you will see the amount of people that love you later. The faces that you'e never expected them to care for you. Because there is always be a reason for this.
All I ask for you to do is, be a good girl and a good daughter that Mom and Dad always want you to be. You are strong and you can face this. You should be proud because Allah has tested you by taking a person that you love the most, for the rest of your life on this Earth. You can cry your balls out and its going to hurt because your eyes gonna be melecet for almost two weeks. Its okay dear, you got this.
I know that the moment you open your eyes after this, things will be different. But not all, there are still some things that remain the same. You still have your other four family members that will always support you and make you laugh. Oh and Bella too haha. Chin up, dear self. He is there for you. Always.
Sincerely, from the 19 years old version of you who is still crying like a baby probably at this moment. (ps: don't be such a crybaby when you grow older okay. its hella embarrassing.)
