Reading
i am honestly really tired of feeling things. I'm tired to live like this. tired of depending on stuffs that could make me feel happy, temporarily. tired of thinking and to constantly reminding myself that i would never be good enough for anyone. thinking that i can never be someone's first choice. tired of listening to "you'll get over it soon" and "feel better soon". cause the truth is i can no longer force myself to feel better.
it hurts to see someone you care the most chose someone else instead of you. especially if that someone is a total stranger. it hurts when you give the best you could but they still won't choose you. i wish i could know, where did i go wrong and what did i do wrong. i guess that's better than guessing and wondering what actually went wrong. even when the truth hurts.
it looks like everyone else is having a good time with their lives. these are the times when i like to compare myself with others. and i hate it so much. i don't want to become ungrateful with what i have. but i really can't control this. the thoughts in my mind are going crazy and it's definitely not something that i could just snap out of it.
oh i wish i could.
